In the moment

Doula Musings

You know that feeling when you feel like you are never where you are supposed to be in life or that you should be focusing on something other than what you are doing at any given moment. Somedays I go to bed and wish that I could do it over. I wouldn’t have yelled so loud or I would’ve been more productive. When I stop to think about it I always am amazed how hard I can be on myself. If my house is clean, my children are lonely. If my children are happy we are out of food, clothes and clean, livable space. There are a few moments in time, when I stand still, breathe deep and feel grateful for the very minute I am in.

Something that always keeps me in this moment, is when I am at a birth. If I had a shitty day where everything went wrong, I yelled at my kids all day, my house is a mess, I have to be at work in an hour and there’s no-one to cover my shift, and the last thing that I need to happen is to be called to a birth… is always, of course the day I get called to a birth. Most of the time, it happens in the perfect time, I am there and back by morning. But I can’t bring all of that with me to a birth. I have to put that out of my mind. paused. for a little while. I walk into someone’s sacred space, where they will bring a child into the world, with a clear head. No expectations. I am there for the moment, observing, listening, filling the water. It’s almost like I go into somewhere else, a switch flips and I am able to let go of all of my life and be apart of a moment in theirs. When I am on my way to a birth I try to say things to myself to prepare me to be apart of this moment…

“I want my words to be heard in the way they are intended. I trust this process. I am guided by the knowlegde of the women who have walked this path before me…”

I like to be in the shadows, making as little of an impact on the natural processes of what’s going on with in her body and with in their family at that time. I am an extra pair of hands, or a kind word. I fill the water or empty the bowl…

When I am at a birth I am in the moment. My life is on hold out of the respect of the process and the family I am with.

When I say goodnight (but mostly good morning) and I step back into my life, my messy house, my busy schedule, I am reminded about the moments to just be. I come home and climb into bed with my babies and soak their very essence in and for those moments I am present .

I am a little more grounded after each one in some way or another. It carries on long after I leave, and it pours over into my life.

I am only at the beginning…

Photography Credit: Rachel Crissey Photography – Used with Permission


Sticks and Stones


When we are pregnant we glow. We are a vessel of creation.

How awesome and a little terrifying.

We go through so many emotions during pregnancy, sometimes it’s hard to keep up . We often read books and watch movies about giving birth. We talk to their friends and relatives about the wishes and plans for childbirth and what kind of mother they hope they will become. We do all of this because we feel the need to connect to other women who have experienced this transformation, we look for guidance and support, we feel a little bit more vulnerable in our times of change. What happens when you talk to people around you, who are close to you, and they say things that are a little less than supportive? They might say things like, “You might want a natural birth, but when you feel those contractions you will change your mind, you will be begging for an epidural”, or “are you sure that’s what you want to do, you know they make drugs for that, right?”. That has happened to most of us, right?

It certainly happened to me. I was always left a little disappointed that the people I was reaching out to for support let me down.

Pregnant women deserve our best.

They deserve for us to be there for them and hold them up no matter what choices they make, especially when they are based on informed decision making. Birth is a natural physiological process that has been carried out since the beginning of time. It’s only been in the last hundred years that we’ve begun to lose support to birth without drugs.

Technology and medical interventions has saved the lives of mothers and babies, that’s the truth, it has, when it’s used in a responsible and needed way. Thousands of women end up with C-sections that weren’t done for medically indicated reasons, but for convenience of the care provider and sometimes the mother and they are left permanently scarred, physically and emotionally.

So when a women says to me that she wants to try to give birth without the use of medical interventions, unless medically indicated of course, I say go for it, and then I ask “who’s your doula?”. On the other hand, a woman does have the right to choose whether or not she wants to use pain medication, and given that she has received all of the current information regarding the risks vs. benefits of those drugs, that is her choice. The point is that we should stop wasting so much time judging one another.  It’s my opinion that we all need to work more on lifting each other up instead of bringing one another down. That’s what words can do that are a little less encouraging, when they come from the mouths of the people who love us and care about us it is even more so. We can all share our experiences with one another that doesn’t cause emotional upsets to the one beside us. If we have had less than positive experiences, we can talk about and learn from it. But please, let’s not use it to discourage others from trying something that might be a little outside of what our views are. Women are powerful beings that have the courage and strength inside of us to bring our babies into the world.

{Sometimes we need a lot loving words, support and guidance to get there, but we all deserve an empowering experience where the people who surround us truly believe in us.}